I'm sitting here at midnight, unable to sleep.
This day, has been long and hot. Stifling hot. I knew back when I was complaining about it being so cold for so long, that this day would come and I wouldn't like it. I'm going to say it for the thousandth time, I hate hate hate the heat. I must purchase an air-conditioner for this house.
So here I sit, in my house on the hill, comfortable for the first time today. There is a breeze blowing in through every open window in this house. I have every fan going. It smells of rain outside. The wind has been blowing enough to blow one of my hanging pots off the hook tonight. People are shooting off fireworks, early and loud.
This is why I cannot sleep. This is the bane of my life, I can never sleep. I'm a night owl. I love the nights, especially when it is hot all day. It's the most peaceful time, the quiet time.
I'm trying to get my head around Oscar. I've made an appointment for Wednesday morning to have him put to sleep. I know in both my head and my heart that this is the right thing to do. I know it. Still, the thought of not having him in my life anymore, is almost intolerable. He's been there through every major up and down for nearly the last 20 years of my life.
This is the cat, that people that do not like cats love. This is my old guy. My loving kitty. I want to turn back the clock for a bit, he's been such a faithful cat. I haven't been as good of a cat mom as I was before I had the kids, but luckily he loves my kids as I do.
I'm sure, deep down, this is why I cannot sleep tonight. I know tomorrow will be worse. How do you prepare for this? I've done it before. Maybe there is just no way to prepare for it. Maybe I just have to feel it, and help my kids through it, because when you love a pet the way I love Oscar, there is going to be a huge hole left. A void that no animal will be able to fill. I remember my pets that have gone, and though I loved them, this one cat, has meant the world to me, and he's going to be missed by everyone.
I finally had time to sit down and read your blog and this post made me really sad. Monica I'm sooooo sorry to hear that you had to put Oscar to sleep. I remember when you got him.
Lord how time flies, has it really been almost 20 years?
Well it looks like you are on your trip right now, hope that you all have a wonderful time. Be careful, I miss you lots... Love, Angela
Posted by: Angela | July 11, 2008 at 11:30 PM
I'm so sorry to hear about Oscar Mon. Wish I could be there to give you a hug. I know how hard it is to make that decision. I'll be thinking of you today.
Posted by: Laura R | July 02, 2008 at 09:04 AM
I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I put my beloved Roger to sleep only a week and a half ago. I haven't blogged about it yet, because I just don't want to cry over him again. And blogging about him means putting pictures up of him, which leads to crying all over.
Like you said, even knowing it is the right thing doesn't make it any easier. The only hope you have is that with time, you will come to mourn him less. Not miss him any less, but the mourning gets easier.
I wish you strength tomorrow.
Posted by: Nancy Walsh | July 01, 2008 at 10:59 PM