The Fear of a Preemie Mom

This is what I see in my head when Leslie gets sick.

I’m so tired tonight.

Work is just tiring, not stressful but tiring. Leslie was starting to get sick again last night. She was coughing and hacking and has a fever.

I thought this fear of her getting sick would leave me as she got older, but come to find out, it hasn’t, not at all. I can’t sleep, I keep going in to check on her. Such is life as the mom of a very little preemie babe.

This is not normal “my kid is sick” fear, this is gut wrenching, she’s gonna die fear. This morning I woke up and neither kid was in my bed. I couldn't move. I was sure they were dead. So I lay there in paralyzed fear until I heard Rick get them up. Only then, could I get out of bed

I realized today that all that has happened to make it different, and give me the illusion that I’m getting over this, is that she is just getting better, and not getting sick as often.

But now that she is sick, I am worried, irrationally unreasonably worried. I think I must be crazy, maybe I am.

Comments

[Solo]

Crazy? Join the club! I think your fears will subside as she gets a bit older. She's still a baby in your eyes, so of course you're going to find yourself in this state when she feels under the weather. Hang in there!

[Melissa]

Oops, sorry! STRAWBERRY MOUNTAIN! I was thinking of Blueberry Hill, I guess. ;-)

[Melissa]

Hi there, Monnie. Thanks very much for leaving the comment on my blog. I know you understand what I'm experiencing, being a preemie mom yourself. It's like a place existed that I never knew about, and we were thrust into it while the door slammed shut behind us. They spoke another language (that we quickly learned). I can't imagine going through it twice, but you are correct that if it happened again, we would probably handle it much better the second time around.

I hope your daughter doesn't have RSV. They scared us to death with the threat of RSV while in the NICU, and yet our Pediatracian seems rather blase about the whole thing. He didn't feel that our son needed the Synergis shots even though he met one of the risk factors (day care). He's supposed to be the best Pedi in Tucson, but I'm starting to wonder. Unfortunately, his policy is that if you go somewhere else, he won't take you back after that, so I'm afraid to even consider it. *Sigh*

Thanks again for finding me. You can bet that I will keep track of your blog and enjoy following the adventures of your family. :-)

PS That photo of Strawberry Hill is enough to make me want to leave the desert -- we'll almost. It's been in the 60s and 70s this week, so maybe not. :-)

[The Lizard]

That's not crazy.

Crazy is meeting up with a bunch of people you met on the internet 5 years ago ;)